Can you guess who? It's a mystery...

Did you ever play the game "Guess Who" when you were younger? I loved the game.. well, as long as I was winning. I would fib sometimes or stretch the truth so that I could beat the other player. Like when they said "Does he have a big nose" and I would say No because they had not yet asked if it was a woman and SHE had a big nose but obviously wasn't a HE. I was sneaky like that. This game probably fed into the my obsession with making things up about myself and telling strangers. Or it may have lead into my favorite game of Lets-make-up-a-life-story-of-that-rando. Either way, I love to make up completely assinine things.

For example, I continually tell people that I work for a record label when they ask what I do. They usually laugh thinking that I mean that I am a singer. Quickly, I clear that up and say that I work in the marketing department for them and that I was recently hired to help the company with a giant turn around. Since their sales have been plummeting and they are considering filing bankruptcy, I have one year to make a difference or I am cut. We usually discuss this further and they eventually ask who I work for, to which I respond (with what I still consider to be one of the greatest labels ever) JOCK JAMS. Now, sometimes folks believe me and sometimes they don't. I LOVE it when they do, but regardless I stick to the story for the remainder of the night.

When playing Lets-make-up-a-life-story-of-that-rando I usually choose two randos to play. The first rando is the one that I am making up the story about. The secnod rando is the one that I tell the story to. Just a few weeks ago, I met a gentleman in a bar that tried to tell me that he works for the Peace Corps. I laughed and said no seriously. To which he said this was the honest truth and further divulged every piece of information about what he does for them. I obviously continued to call him a liar (as per above, I regularly make up my life to others and claim to work for a record lable). I told him that since he was so good at making up far fetched tails we would play a game of LMUALSOTR to keep his imagination rolling. He was down. Earlier in the evening I had spotted a middle aged lady sitting alone at the bar and had alredy begun to make up my story for her, obviously I wanted Peace Corps to help. He gave me some story about how she was an alcoholic and came here regularly, to which I said no no no! That, kind sir, is Denise. Denise works at the hospital and doesn't get a lot of time to go out and have fun with friends. She is a single mom of 3 and her husband cheated on her about 6 years back. She just recently got back into the dating pool and has been trying out online dating services. That is how she met Mitch, who she was supposed to meet here tonight. Obviously Mitch stood her up, which is why she is upset (see her frown) and is taking those shots of cheap tequilla alone. She has texted her friend Staci four times already begging her to come out since she doesn't have the kids for the first time in weeks and just needs some fun. Staci is not game though. See, isn't this game fun!

I wouldn't go so far to say that I am a pathological liar, but I am not going to try to tell you that I don't make shit up on the regular to entertain myself and others, only some of whom actually know that I am making it up. The problem is that because I like to make things up about people, I think too far into everyone that I meet. I ask a million personal questions and if you either a) don't answer them or b) don't give me the time to ask them, I will just make up answers for you. Your best bet is to divulge everything about yourself from the get go. Honesty is sexy. But then again so is a tall-tale. None the less, many times I sit and ponder things about people. Lately, I have been trying to figure out this guy in my office. Let's call him Jarred. Jarred is a friendly guy. He walks into my offices several days a week and makes small talk. Usually his small talk involves reading my horoscope to me and complementing me, regardless of what I am wearing. Now don't get me wrong, I love to know the star sign scoop and I really love talking about ME, especially when it is in complementary form, but I can't figure out if Jarred is 1. an overly nice guy 2. a flaming homosexual or 3. hitting on me. Usually his complements involve my hair. Yes, I have great hair... when I actually fix it... which is usually when I am going to a bar, not to work. No, the work hair is usually pin straight and boring, clean if you are lucky. The bar hair is fun, big, and bouncy (just like I wish my boobs were). So why Jarred must you comment on it daily? And what's up with the horoscope? Seriously, that was something we did around the sorority house table, not the office place, at the girls in the sorority house never remembered that I was an Aries like you do! So now I am playing Guess Who with Jarred instead of making up stories about all the randos that walk into my office and it is really disrupting my work. Does the guy like guys? Does the guy like me? Does the guy have no friends and desperately wants one so he is super nice to me in hopes that I will hang out with him? I can't figure out how to answer the question, more or less put people down! Suddenly the Guess Who jingle hits home... it's a mystery!