Dear Facebook...

We have had a good run, but you have changed so much over our relationship these past four and a half years that I don't know if we can last much longer. I remember you back before you went through your identity crisis, back when you were THEfacebook.com. It was after that that you went into a downward spiral and became so consumed with being popular that you nearly forgot about me and my needs. Do you realize that there are young girls that have never had to actually stalk their ex-boyfriends? There are youngsters that know nothing of the days before newsfeed and applications. It is like you had plastic surgery slowly and now I barely recongize you.

And that isn't all. You have become such a whore. You let anyone with an e-mail account get with you. You have teeny boppers, parents, and hell, you have even been with my grandma! The madness must stop. My mother says that if you give away the milk no one will buy the cow. I am not totally sure why this is applicable here, but I feel like you get the point.
Finally, the new attitude you have been giving is enough. I mean telling me who I should reconnect with and whose walls you think I should write on. I can adapt to change but I wear the pants in this relationship and I will not have you telling me what to do.

I suggest that you stop acting like something you are not and settle down with all the change. Don't tell me what to do and I won't start telling you how I think you need a "dislike" button or how I think there should be an option to "add as a friend" without them knowing or being your friend. Give a little and I will give a little. Don't give a little and well, I probably will still sign on for hours on end each day, but don't think I won't be pissed!

I expect changes, and soon!

Sincerely,
Your loyal user